Tony 'Twat Face' Abbott

Recently Tony 'Twat Face' Abbott, ruffled some feather (boa)’s when he said that he, like "most Australians” feel “threatened” by homosexuals. He has since been made to apologise, backtrack and explain himself. Look, I don’t think Tony Abbott is all that bad - unlike the rest of the gay community which is aghast with his statements. Obviously everyone’s all up in arms about this but I’m here to tell you that Tony Abbott is right. He and every other straight person have every right to feel threatened by gays! After all, gays are planning the end of the world as you know it. Obviously, this isn’t a very well known fact, but I’ve decided on behalf of the gay community it’s time to cut the crap and lay truth to centuries of suspicion and prejudice. Occasionally our plans have been leaked to the world, for example, all that preaching about the end of the family unit if gay people get married. You know the type. Perhaps at times, you’ve supposed it sounds a little farfetched that two girls or boys could make out in a club one Saturday and thus tear apart families they’ve never met and corrupt children they’ve never heard of. Farfetched? Yes. Impossible? No. We’re fucking powerful as shit and can do whatever the hell we want. Besides, your crappy little family units is just child’s play as far as we’re concerned.

We’ve got something far bigger in mind then family units. We’ve been hoarding nuclear weapons in San Francisco for years now. We have blueprints to all the underground subways in all the major cities of the world. We have food stores in underground bunkers across Asia, America and Europe to last us 30 years. 9/11 was a gay conspiracy. The financial crisis was set in motion by gay economic masterminds. The internet was invented by the American Army, yes, but did you know the man in charge of it was a closet gay? It's been the greatest tool we’ve had to date in converting children into our “gay army”. Up until then we were reliant on scout leaders and school teachers. Global warming is an experiment we’ve been running since the late 1960’s. Contrary to popular belief the cause has nothing to do with carbon emissions and is instead brought about by emissions which are produced by gay people killing bunnies and kittens. Oh and An Inconvenient Truth? Yeah, Al Gore is gay. Soon when the resources of the straight world are so depleted we will launch a nuclear offensive of which there will be no survivors, except us. We'll be safely tucked underground with the last of the world's glitter and Doc Martens. When it is safe to come out we will take over the world, replace all the street lights with disco balls, the police with strippers and the army with lesbians.

And all our straight friends? Well, first we’re going to terrorise them for 10 years or so. Just for shits and giggles, yeah? It will be acceptable for common (gay) citizens to harass, spit on and beat anyone they suspect to be straight. With this in mind, there will be nowhere for our straight people to go, no police to report it to and no court they can press charges in. Because, well, we’ll probably make it a crime to have straight sex. Hopefully this will scare our straight survivors so much that they will be too afraid to even admit that they’re straight and instead live horrifically miserable half lives pretending that they’re gay. After we’re bored of being cruel and oppressive, a select handful of countries around the world will deem it safe for straight people to “come out”. In said countries, straight people will be allocated 1 week each year in which they can hold parades and celebrate their sexuality and for the rest of the year we will tolerate them. However, we will refuse to recognise their relationships, encourage them to keep to themselves in particular suburbs and offer them one or two seedy clubs (per city) in which to socialise. Oh and we will also refer to anything bad, unpleasant or upsetting as “straight”.

For example:

A: Ewwwwwww that shirt is so STRAIGHT!
B: HA-HA-HA-HA-HA i know right?? So hetero!!

So I say good on tony abbot for spreading his fear and hatred, he knows SO much about what it is to feel threatened! Poor dear!


Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR) is the first part of the International Bill of Human Rights, it sets out the fundamental human rights of every human beings.

Article 1

All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.

Article 7

All are equal before the law and are entitled without any discrimination to equal protection of the law. All are entitled to equal protection against any discrimination in violation of this Declaration and against any incitement to such discrimination


A Gaythering Storm
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