THIS SUMMER..

I have a new favourite movie, it’s scattered my previous top five like bowling pins and somewhere in my crazed head there's a little voice shrieking “STRIKE!!” at the top of its lungs. Admittedly, I’m yet to actually see said movie, but I already know I love it. It’s already made its mark as a key disciple in my pop cultural bible. I just know, you know? Like a girl I’ve just seen at a party that I want to go up to and say “Excuse me, you don’t know me but we’re in love.” So romantic right now. The new object of my desire is a movie about t.a.t.u. Yes t.a.t.u., the faux lesbian duet that released an almighty two songs. Apparently they’re way cool in Europe. Anyway, someone decided to make a movie called “You and I/Finding t.a.t.u.” (Surely they could have pulled a name out of a hat and just picked one??). It’s about these two best friends whose goal it is to meet their idols t.a.t.u. and become Russian pop stars themselves. May I just add that t.a.t.u. actually star in the movie and have produced “new hits” for it as well!

The crux of my love for this movie? It stars Mischa Barton. Who speaks with a Russian accent. A BAD Russian accent. It’s just delicious. I imagine that in Mischa’s cocaine-addled-headband-straddled mind this is THE European indie flick of her career. Yeah. Take that Hollywood!
The trailer opens with a deep male voice over: “Lana (mischa) was a beautiful girl trapped in a small town.. Janie (random) was a troubled teen”. At this point my spine was already curled up in a ball of cringe. But then out of nowhere comes a real bombshell: Micha’s very profound line, delivered in that flimsy Russian drawl, “You know Janie, in Moscow all dreams come true”. Oh god, it’s pretty much relentless from there– and that’s just the trailer!!

There are two main points I’m having trouble getting my head around with this movie. Firstly, the fact that there is a movie made about/starring t.a.t.u. is mind blowing for me. What about the other classic music acts that have been spawned by euroland in the past decade and only pumped out one or two hits? What about aqua? Or b* witched? Or that band that sang that blue song? Why have none of these bands qualified for movies starring actresses desperately trying to grab at notions of a “career”.

Secondly, let me just take a moment to comprehend Mischa’s accent. It reminds me of when I was 16 and I went on an overseas school trip to America with my two best friends. There are countless videos of us narrating our trip in Russian accents (tragically, these have been long since lost to the sands of time). From Disney paraphernalia to removing a wash cloth from a toilet bowl to screaming out hotel room windows at pedestrians below, we documented our movements in the best Russian accents we could muster. Of course we spoke very little ACTUAL Russian given the only phrases we knew were “I love you“and “my vagina is on fire”. Despite this, I still feel our declarations of burning genitalia held a Russian authenticity that trumps Mischa Barton’s own attempts at least 10 fold.

So lets review:

A movie about t.a.t.u. starring Mischa Barton who speaks in a bad Russian Accent. What is not to love?

BEHOLD!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21_nsc-3uDw