Snuggies- the rant that had to be

My sister bought a snuggie. Actually it’s not even a snuggie, its one of those no name brand snuggie lookalikes- I didn’t even know you could buy no name brand Snuggie lookalikes yet, but apparently you can. It’s the most obnoxious shade of pink ever to be made into a fabric and has firmly established itself as the eyesore of the house. My sister is fully aware of the nauseating splendour the discount snuggie has adorned her with and takes great pleasure in fluttering into my room like some queen of the retarded factory off cut bin. Fun fact: if you turn a dressing gown back to front, you not only look like a major douche but you will also have your very own snuggie! WOW! Isn’t that something? It just goes to show how dumb Snuggies truly are.

Also, Snuggies really creep me out. The infomercial where everyone is wearing them at a football game irks me in a way I just can’t quite put my finger on. Could you imagine turning up at your local football club only to find everyone dressed in matching robes? That’s some serious twilight zone shit right there. I feel the only time Snuggies are appropriate is at mass gatherings of radical religious cults in Deep South America. Seriously, the only people who should wear them are those who would marry off their underage daughters to 50 year old Christian leaders who already have more wives then they can count on two hands. Or maybe Jedi’s, I don’t think I’d have anything against Obi Won Kenobi having a cognac and cigarette whilst dressed in a snuggie.

It gets worse though, there is actually a website called “the snuggie sutra” which as the name suggests, is a site that describes various sex positions incorporating a Snuggie:

http://thesnuggiesutra.com/

The prospect of getting off while wearing a Snuggie makes me feel a little bit perverted. Sure, I appreciate making everyday households items into sex props just as much as the next person, but fucking someone who is wearing what is essentially a blanket? They may as well just wear a pillow as a hat and be done with it for all I’m concerned.


Exhibit a) a family of douche bags amongst normal people.