Are you afraid of dying alone? She whispered.No. I replied bluntly, not looking at her.
She breathed in sharply, as if I’d offended her.
Sorry I just hate all that shit. I’m not scared of dying alone. I’m much more terrified of not living my life. I don’t want my eyes to be closed to the good things that are happening because they’re busy looking for something else. I mean, finding love is fate, you can’t force fate. It just happens- it’s not like you can put in extra hours for it and expect some kind of return.
Oh. She replied, clearly deflated. Well I guess that makes sense.
And anyway, why do I want someone to die with? Will that make the rest of my life mean more? It’s not like I’m going to reminisce about my death with them later, you know?
She toyed absently with a blade of grass. Don’t you want someone to grow old with though?
If that’s what makes me happy then I’ll do it, but I won’t pretend it’s going to be the only true happiness I’ll ever find just because other people say that it will.
What do u want then?
I don’t know. It’ll be what I want at the time though. I’m more worried about other things I guess.
There was a long silence.
Are you happy? I ventured.
Yeah, I guess, why wouldn’t I be?
Good. Because, that tree might fall on you.
What? What does that have to do with anything?
Well, then you’ll die happy and with someone you love. I peeled my gaze from the cloud formation above and looked at her. That’s what you just said you wanted, wasn’t it?
Oh ok, that’s a bit morbid Jane. And pretty unlikely anyway.
When I was at Woodford, we were sitting on the grass like this watching a band and this massive tree branch fell off a gum tree and fell on the people below. A few of them were concussed- they had to bring in an ambulance. I think it was in the paper.
She looked apprehensively at the ancient plant beside us. Still, the chances are pretty low.
Yeah, but what if it did though? What if you were alone when it happened? What if it was one of your friends here instead? Or a stranger even? Would it make a difference?
Of course it would. She paused momentarily, Wait, do I die straight away or do I get to say goodbye or something?
Um, probably not. No, you die Straight away.
Oh. I don’t know, I guess, I guess it’d happen so quickly, I don’t know if I’d want you to have to watch that. I don’t know if I’d want anyone to have to watch it actually.
Yeah exactly. That’d be selfish of you.
i was there when that tree fell at woodford. but i was tripped out and dancing covered in mud.
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